If It Kills Me
by Miss Saigon11
Summary: Song-fic. Being so close has never hurt so much. I've loved her and been friends with her ever since the 6th grade. But now here we are working full time and supporting ourselves and I'm still too much of a coward to tell her those three small words.


**Hello! Miss Saigon11 here! **

**If you are reading this fic then congratulations! Not only are you reading my very first one-shot, but my very first song-fic! Yay you!**

**Okay, so this fic was inspired from the song If It Kills Me (From the Casa Nova Sessions) by Jason Mraz. It's a lovely song that I absolutly adore. **

**Plz read the lyrics along with the story! I've arranged the story in such a way so that the lyrics give extra emotion to what's going on in the story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of Inuyasha. This was made purely for fans by a fan. It is in no way sponsored, approved, endorsed by or affiliated by Rumiko Takahashi or Viz Media, or any other affiliates.**

**Flames are welcome.**

* * *

If It Kills Me

My cell phone buzzed on the counter and I reached over and picked it up. I brought the phone close to my face and flipped it open. I didn't need to bring it close to my ear. My dog-like ears would pick up the words coming from the person on the other end.

"Hello?" I said simply.

"Hey!" came a voice that never failed to send butterflies to my stomach.

The muscles in my shoulders relaxed and a small smile graced the features on my mouth. "Kagome." She giggled on the other line. Oh how I loved her laugh.

"I know your secret, Inuyasha." she said. I tensed up a bit.

My secret?

_Hello, tell me you know  
Yeah, you figured me out  
Something gave it away_

Although I don't suppose it would be a bad thing. It certainly hasn't been a secret to me since I met her. We've been friends since before I can remember.

I was born from a human mother and a youkai father, thus making me half human half youkai. A hanyou. A half-breed. Life was rough after both of my parents died. Kids made fun of me even when both of them were alive, but after they died it got worse.

I was still a kid at this time, mind you.

I would come to school one morning and there would be hateful messages and words written on my desk. But that was only the begging of it. Then they started to shove me into walls, and pelt me with anything they could get their hands on in the gym, and one kid even went as far as cutting my hand with scissors.

I couldn't remember being so alone.

But it was around that time that Kagome came into my life. She transferred to my school during the sixth grade. With the way she is, she could've befriended anybody within the first day. But instead of hanging out with the group of snobby popular girls like they offered, she decided to spend her time with me.

I still don't know why though.

She asked me if she could sit with me during lunch on the first day. When I let her she gave me such a beautiful smile.

And life wasn't so lonely after that.

And at that very moment when she smiled at me, I knew.

My secret.

I've wanted to tell her for such a long time, throughout high school and then onto college. And here we are both working full time and me still with such a secret I've been harboring since I was 13.

_And it would be such a beautiful moment  
To see the look on your face  
To know that I know that you know now_

"And just what is my secret, Kagome?" I asked. She giggled again. My heart leaped.

"I know that you've gotten promoted."

Oh.

_And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking  
You know nothing_

* * *

I felt my jaw crack as I yawned.

"Oh, that sounded painful." Kagome commented.

"Yeah, well, it's your fault for keeping me on the phone for so long last night."

"Sorry." she giggled.

_Cause you and I  
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and  
_

I nudged her. "You okay? You don't seem so cheerful this morning."

Kagome sighed. "Leave it to my best friend to tell when something's up." She turned to me. "I had another fight with him."

_We get along much better  
Than you and your boyfriend_

Kouga; the guy that I've shared a mutual hate for. He's Kagome's boyfriend. And recently he and Kagome have had this sort of break-up make-up relationship. She'd leave him, swearing that she was done with him for good, then he would do something for her and she'd fall right back into his arms.

I can't begin to explain how much I absolutely one hundred percent loath him.

_Well all I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me_

_  
_I gently place my hand on Kagome's shoulder. "Hey, it'll be alright." I smiled confidently at her although I could feel my heart shatter.

I hate that she's with a man that keeps hurting her like this.

I hate myself because I keep letting her get hurt, and I hate myself even more for never telling her the way I feel and having to put up with seeing her happy in the arms of another man.

But I could never hate her for what I'm going through. It isn't her fault.

She smiled at me and my eyes lingered on her lips. "Thanks," she said, "you're the best friend I've ever had."

_Well how long, can I go on like this,  
Wishing to kiss you,  
Before I rightly explode?_

_* * *_

The second I open the door to my apartment I head straight for my bed and collapse down on it. And like every night, I pull out a scrap book filled with photos of me and Kagome since sixth grade. The pages flip by me and I stop on a picture of me and her dressed up in formal wear about to go to the senior homecoming dance together. We've never gone to any of the dances, but Kagome insisted that we go to homecoming since senior year was almost over. Neither of us had a date so we went together.

Being with her, dancing slow and being so close we could've kissed if I had just moved my face closer to hers…….

But I didn't.

I stared at the picture for a long time before I rummaged around the bedside table drawer for a pen and drew a heart around her head.

_This double life I lead isn't healthy for me  
In fact it makes me nervous  
If I get caught I could be risking it all_

She can never see this picture. Ever. She can't know about these selfish feelings.

_Baby there's a lot that I miss  
In case I'm wrong_

Not only that, but I don't want to lose her.

_Well all I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me_

* * *

With every single sob that escaped from Kagome, I held her tighter in my arms. She and Kouga had another fight and broke up. The second after it happened she burst through my apartment door and ran straight into my arms, crying the entire time.

Minutes passed and Kagome showed no sign of letting up. The shoulder area of my tee-shirt must be practically soaked from all the tears, but I didn't care; she could soak and stain this entire shirt for all I care. I held her tighter.

"I'm sure that eventually he'll realize what a mistake he's making to let you go and you'll make up again." I said quietly.

"No!" she shouted. She looked up at me with her tear streaked face. "It's over between us; I'm not going back to him. And yeah I know I said after our passed break-ups that it was over but now it really is! There is no going back!"

A stray tear rolled down her face and I wiped it away with my thumb. "What happened?"

Her face returned to my shoulder but she didn't start crying again. "I went over to his apartment without calling. I wanted to surprise him for his birthday. I opened and closed the door as quietly as I could. But as I walked in the living room, he was in a full lip-lock with another woman!"

Something inside me stirred. Kagome was cheated on?

"It turns out that he had been cheating on me for a long time!"

A low growl rumbled in my throat. How dare he. How _dare _he do something like that to her! Does that bastard not realize just how damn _lucky _he is to have Kagome?! The woman that I fell so hopelessly in love with the minute I saw her? The woman that I would do anything for? That I would give my life for?

But now because of this she's free. She has no one. She's single.

This is my chance.

This is my chance to tell her how much she means to me; that I've loved her since I met her and that I want nothing more than to be with her forever.

"Kagome I…." I started.

_If I should be so bold  
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand  
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man_

"I'm so sorry."

_But I never said a word  
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again  
_

I hate this. I hate how I can't tell her how I feel.

_  
All I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me  
If it kills me  
I think it might kill me_

I held her tighter and closer to me if it were possible and buried my face in the crook of her neck.

_And all I really want from you is to feel me  
It's a feeling inside that keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
_

"Inuyasha?" she said softly.

"Hmm?"

_If it kills me_

She pulled away from me and looked directly in my eyes. I felt a warm feeling spread through me as I gazed into her deep, brown eyes. She lowered her eyelids a bit. I gulped.

_If it kills me_

She leaned in and pressed her lips softly to mine. I more than happily responded.

_It might kill me_

* * *

**So there you have it: If It Kills Me. **

**Please review and let me know what you think! **

**Until next time!**

**Luv you all!**

**Miss Saigon11**

**P.S. do you think I should continue this? some reviewers have asked me if I was. You can tell me in a review if you think I should continue but it would be more effective if you just voted on the poll on my profile. **

**Thankies!! ^^^**

**UPDATE; FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18TH, 2009: Okay, so as of yesterday, If It Kills Me has a sequel. It's called Denied Me, Betrayed Me. But here's the thing: It's an Optional Sequel, which means the story would be completly fine without it, but if you want to read it, you can. You don't have to read it if you think the story is fine by itself. But people were asking me about it (including friends at school) so i deciede "why not?" and threw one together. I personally don't think its very good because it isn't a song-fic and its plot driven as apposed to emotionaly driven like this one. So I don't like the sequel! But creators of things are always so hard on themselves so maybe you all will like it. **


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